Today I turn 29 years old. I’m totally stoked to be such a strong prime number age despite the constant reminders that, “this is your last year in your twenties!”.
I went out over the weekend to celebrate with some dear friends and below is a slide show that tells the story of the evening (or at least the part Matt caught on film). We had a mega insaneballs good ol’ time.
Me and Lenny. He's a solid mentor in my life.
A quick dive into queer history will reveal countless stories of how ignorance and fear have brought wedges and conflict between LGBT folks and their families. For as long as anyone has dared to declare their queerness, individuals have run away from, been turned out by, and generally had conflict with their biological families.
While my own story is much less tragic and dramatic than some, I still know the pain and sadness that comes from being in a family that just doesn’t understand or accept who I am. The son of a devoutly Christian-Republican family, I’ve spent more than a decade trying to find peace with my family and I sometimes wonder if that resolution will ever come.
Don’t get me wrong, my family is awesome…and there is a lot of love in them. But despite years of calm discussions, pleading cases, and screaming arguments, they just don’t accept me as GAY. It’s a rough road at times and the more I become comfortable with myself and the more I create my own life, the farther they drift away from me. They miss out on crushes, loves, break-ups…realizations, growth, fun…and I miss having them involved. There have been too many times I’ve either been joyously happy or grossly distraught and reached for my phone to call Mom only to stop and realize that she’s not the one who wants to hear about it. It’s those halting moments of sad realization that break my heart.
And then I scroll through my address book and instead call a “brother”…someone who’s not related by blood, but bound by spirit. When the family I was born with can’t be there for me, I rely on the family that I’ve been blessed with. My brothers in leather know my heart and can empathize with my pain; we know how to be there for each other and we understand the power that comes from that unity. We make our own family.
Every LGBT person knows how profound it feels to finally find a judgment-free community of folks who understand and relate to all the things that make you different from the “norm”. Suddenly the fact you’re a boy who likes other boys makes you one of the group instead of the freak of the group (you still may be considered a freak in other ways, of course 😉 ). Having acceptance and a cure to loneliness make the journey in life a lot easier…and we all know how long and difficult that journey can be sometimes.
In the Leather Tribe, you always have someone to cuddle with
As I’m about to hit another birthday, I reflect on the past several years–especially the past 2 in NYC–and feel a sense of accomplishment and confidence about where I am today. But there’s also a part of me that’s a little bit sad because I know as a result of my growth, I can’t solidly relate anymore to the world I left behind. I feel like one of the Hobbits from Lord of the Rings…after having gone all around Middle Earth with elves, wizards, and kings, the Hobbits return home to the Shire as changed little men. The simple, sunny life that knew before just doesn’t quite fit anymore and the friends they left behind now look at their incredible adventures as little more than strange affairs in strange lands. Saying good-bye to home opens you up to endless possibilities, but these possibilities can change you in such a way that you can never really go home again.
So I create a new home…and men become brothers, uncles, Daddy…and together we go forth into the fray. As Bilbo himself would say:
“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
… Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”
Maybe one day my family will come around…maybe as I’m moving forward in life, my path and theirs will solidly cross again. Until then, I’m thankful to have my other family…the brotherhood, the tribe, the folks who teach and nurture me. Be good to each other y’all 🙂
Rick, Mr. Eagle 2007
Today is the first in what will be a recurring post type where I sit down and interview a prior Mr. Eagle to get his perspective and experiences on the title. I’m starting with Rick Weber, Mr. Eagle 2007, who is a dear friend and one of the first men to ever welcome me into Leather.
Rick has a partner, Peter, of 8 years and together they live in a cozy West Village apartment. The interview takes place in their home with Rick sitting at the kitchen table with me while Peter lounges in the background watching TV and petting their delightful cat, Fat Girl.
I begin with some basic leather intro questions:
What are you hanky colors?
Dark blue, gray, and black. And depending on who I’m with, they can be left, right, or both.
What is your favorite item of gear?
Every new item becomes your favorite item, but I won Mr. Eagle in a pair of leather pants I won on eBay for $40 that I’ll never get rid of. They’re not your traditional leather pants and some pure leathermen might scoff at them…the leather is too rough and their lined…I didn’t know the difference at the time…and to me to win a leather title on a $40 pair of pants says a lot about the contest and how it’s not so much about what you wear, but who you are.
What inspired you to get into Leather?
Do you know who the Marlboro Man is? You don’t even know who that is do you? (Rick gives me a friendly look that says “you’re just a youngin”) The Marlboro Man is man’s man. A cowboy with the chaps and boots…that was my first sort of fetish attraction. And from there I took that idea over into the gay world and found Leather.
Why did you decide to run for Mr. Eagle?
NYC was the best of the best, in my opinion. But the first year I ran it, I didn’t win…I came in third…not really knowing what I was stepping into. So when I didn’t win, I followed Christophe around (Mr. Eagle 2006) and I saw that it was more than just being pretty in gear, it was about who you are, what you did, and what the community did for you. I saw the leather community as always giving back, and when you run for a title you have that spirit of helping and giving. I wanted to do that, I wanted to win the New York title and do something significant with it.
What were some of the highlights of your title year?
Competing at IML. There’s this concept of IML as, oh my gosh, it’s International Mr. Leather, competing with 52 men, and you’re going to be on stage in front of this huge audience in a jock, and judges from all over the world are going to be grilling you on leather history—it’s big and intense. But when you go through it, it’s more about honor and brotherhood than it is about winning. Winning would be great, but it’s not everything.
Also it was about putting a spotlight on the leather community and letting people know it exists. Which is why I created Team Eagle. I wanted a team of leather men and woman to ride in the AIDS ride and show the rest of the gay community that the leather community still exists and still gives back and it has incredible heart. We’re just kinky about it—which scares a lot of people.
Where do you see the leather community going in the future?
I see it changing, but I don’t see it changing. I think it’s exactly the same as it’s always been, I just think the people who complain about it in their 20s are different from the ones in their 30s and 40s, and they’re different from men in their 50s and 60s. Each generation has its own thought process about what leather should be, and as they get older, they have this picture in their head of “well in my day, leather was this…” I think it’s exactly the same…the only difference being the gear. Neoprene and spandex are new materials…and I think you’ll keep seeing new materials pop up. You’re always gonna have guys who believe in leather as the core material. But as time goes on, your idea of gear is going to keep changing. My whole thing is, you have to accept it for what it is. I have my own ideas and want people to accept me for that. There’s no one set leather university saying IT IS THIS.
What advice would you give a young man thinking of running for the Mr. Eagle title?
Stay focused to your goals. Because you turn into this tiny, tiny celebrity and people talk to you and you can get really lost in your own fame. You have to stay focused on why you ran and push for your cause. People are always gonna bitch and complain to you about what you’re doing or not doing and you’ll go crazy trying to please everyone. So stay focused on your goals.
To learn more about Rick, come on by the Eagle on a CODE Thursday and he’ll be happy to chat you up. You can either find him playing pool with his man, smoking a cigar on the roof (when it’s warmer), or welcoming the newest stranger to the bar.
On The Catwalk
Hot lights, camera flashes, loud cheers, staring eyes. So many eyes. Smiles 🙂
Walk, walk fashion baby, work it, move that bitch crazy.
I emerge from behind the curtain into the sea of people waiting to see and enjoy whatever fashion statement is coming next. Despite my enthusiasm for being a model and my relative ease with my personal body image, I’m still nervous as WHOA as soon as I hit the hot air filling the room and hear the audience’s cheers. As I strut down the makeshift catwalk–trying to look fierce, or at least comfortable–I pick out a few familiar and friendly faces and give them some smiles and winks (and even a kiss or two). My chest is bare, my ass is showing, my heart is beating. I hit the corners, do the turns, and find myself back on the other side of the curtain once again. WOW…that was incredible…and nerve wracking. I want to do it again.
Fetish for Fashion–put on by our friends at Folsom Street East–was an amazing event and I’m so happy I got to be a part of it. Thanks to MANSKINS‘ designers Christophe André and Kyle Farmer, I was able to be one of the models on Saturday and wear some very hip, very current gear. MANSKINS “recognizes no 2 men are the same; codes, fetish and fashion collide” in their collection and their use of leather, rubber, camo, and even denim in their gear combines (from my perspective) classic Leather traditions with some very new and edgy stylizing.
Also representing at the show were NYC’s The Leather Man with their consistently bold gear and Wonder Wear, a fashionable underwear shop in the West Village. I saw lots of neoprene and leather from The Leather Man, as well as a fun wrestling singlet (yeah sports gear), and all their manly models were looking good. The Wonder Wear boys were well sculpted and definitely fulfilled everyone’s underwear fetish for the evening.
But enough with words! Check out the images below from that fun evening:
Ah, it’s always fun to look back on the boy I use to be (still am?!)…
If you’re looking for a date on Valentine’s Day, check out this virtual date I made back when I was a wee lad of 24 (and living in the Japanese countryside–check out the hair!). Fortunately my dating skills have improved since then 😉
I’m a loyal patron of the NYC Eagle. It’s our last remaining outpost in the leather wilderness and the guys who own and run it are great and great to our community. I look forward to Thursday CODE every week and it has become my “big night out” for the week. The only down side is that it’s a work night and Friday mornings are often blurry and sleepy (but filled with fond memories).
SO, when the Eagle announced a NEW gear night on Fridays, I was overjoyed! Finally a night to wear gear and be able to stay out late…and GEAR night seemed to have a new, modern flavor to it as dress code went beyond leather and included (as listed from the flyer): fetish gear, military gear, biker gear, sports gear, construction gear, punk gear, hoods & masks, rubber, latex, boots, uniforms, jocks, S&M, piercing, tattoos. I saw the image, read the description and thought, “YES, a night to try something different!”
Ah, but this change would not come easy…
Last week, my big brother Rick and I decided to go check out GEAR and give it our support. We arrived at the Eagle, promptly checked our coats/bags/shirts/pants, and saw that the bouncer was turning guys away from the designated 1st floor GEAR area. “Sweet!” we thought, “they’re enforcing dress code!” We went up to the bouncer, Rick got approved and let in…I stepped up smiling in my fun sporty outfit (a cut up tank top, jockstrap, tall socks, and high tops), got got a flashlight to the shoes. A pause. Then a DENIAL from the bouncer. “NO SNEAKERS.”
WTF?! B-b-but, it’s GEAR night…not CODE…? Sports gear! My shoes match my outfit!
DENIED. Long story short, I couldn’t attend GEAR dressed in my gear. The reason: old school thinking says BOOTS ONLY; new school me says BOO. A touch furious and insulted, I suppressed the inner diva in me and simply said, “I’ll just go then” and headed back to coat check. I got my things, didn’t even bother to put back on my pants, and strutted out the door in my jocks-strapped ass.
CLASH of the GEAR! Which raises the question: In 2011, what is gear? (and is there room for growth?)
I say–perfectly aware of that some may disagree–that “gear” is an evolving idea that flows with the community. It should always be rooted in the core concepts of being “edgy” and “sexually exciting”, but material and style should be open to change as society changes. The community has already experienced gear evolutions over the years with rubber, latex, and neoprene becoming more popular…and leather still remains our “father material” that defines as a community. I respect our past history and hold true to CODE on Thursdays (leather and boots); but on Fridays I wanna be a singlet-wrapped jock in my socks and sneaks.
Anyway, as a good friend and mentor told me, “it is not about the gear wearing the man, but the man wearing the gear. Gear will always be the thing that enhances a physical, psychological, and tactile experience that men respond to, desire, need.” So the emphasis is less on the WHAT and much more on the WHY (an important question when standing in front of one’s closest deciding what to wear for the Eagle).
I will attend GEAR night again…I absolutely loved the set up for it and applaud the Eagle staff for creating such a fun space on the 1st floor (seriously you guys should check it out). I see potential in Friday nights…especially for bringing in some new guys who hesitate to come on a Thursday. Let’s gear it up, boys.
OH WOW! It’s a big week for leather events! Check out what’s going on and make it a point to come out to support good causes, get good gear and skills, and have some fun with your brothers.
First up on Thursday, Feb 10th, from 7pm-10pm is the charity event LOVE & LEATHER hosted by NYC’s Mr. Eagle 2011, CB Kirby (*swoon*, he’s so dreamy!). This is a leather/fetish gear and erotic art sale (two things one can never have enough of) that benefits House Works, an organization who’s mission is to end the dual crises of homelessness and AIDS. The event is happening at Housing Works Thrift Shops
143 West 17th Street (between 6th & 7th Avenues). My insider information tells me there’s some SWEET gear for sale at insanely reasonable prices. Imagine how great you’ll feel when you’re strutting around like an image from Tom of Finland knowing you got a great deal AND you did some good in the world.
Also on Thursday, the 10th, from 8:30pm-10pm is the NYboL (New York boys of Leather) educational session on HYPNOSIS! This is the second session in their education series and will be held at the LGBT Center at 208 W 13th Street (between 7th and 8th Avenues). New York Hypnotist and NYboL supporter, Neil, will be leading the event (and from his Recon profile he’s seems like a great guy, professional about his work, and a handsome devil).
Then, on Saturday, Feb. 12th, from 7pm-10pm at the LGBT Center is the exciting “A FETISH FOR FASHION” event! This fashion show and charity auction will feature some of the city’s fiercest leather/fetish/kink-wear designers as well as a silent auction to benefit The Center. And just to give you a bit more incentive to attend, I will be strutting down the catwalk at this event in my modeling premiere (expect a recap blog entry next week).
So you can wear the gear you bought on Thursday to the fashion show on Saturday and hypnotize a boy there with the skills you learned on Thursday. Everybody wins! See yall there.
Boy Justin
My journey into leather land has been a gradual exploration of new ideas, relationships, and identities. The L.C. is a place that encourages experimentation and pushing your boundaries with the goal of experiencing new pleasures and unlocking deeper parts of yourself. To me the community of kinky folk is like an incubator that nurtures and matures you so you emerge with a stronger sense of self and a more enlightened view of sexuality and fulfillment. It’s also just a lot of fun along the way 🙂
There are numerous roles one can pursue–Dom, Sub, Daddy, Sir, puppy, Master, slave, etc.–and the one I’ve naturally gravitated towards is that of “boy” in the context of a “Daddy/boy” relationship dynamic. This is an identity that has been on the fringes of my self for years, but I didn’t fully realize it or know how to explore it until I entered into Leather and found a social framework already in place and ready to go.
There must be a laundry list of reasons men want to be boys with each individual having his own unique set of ideas. Boys come in all shapes/sizes/ages/mentalities/flavors and all have a special submissive side they want to share with their Sir or Daddy. I know for me that sub side is a place of wonderful freedom and security where instead of being powerless–as some may assume–I’m actually very much empowered because I’ve recognized my worth and put myself into the hands of Daddy who’s someone I’ve chosen as worthy of that honor. The exchange of power is deeply intimate and carries with it great potential for pleasure and growth. As a boy I’ve gained more confidence and strength as a man than I’ve ever had before.
We like to joke in our community about “bottoms” and how there’s some negative or inferior aspect that goes along with wanting to get fucked, but I think most of us know at heart that bottoms are equal in power and worth as any tops. In fact some would even say that the bottoms have all the power. As a boy I see myself as having tremendous worth–otherwise why would a Daddy even bother with me? When I’m with Daddy, I feel beautiful and lucky and eager to serve. Goes back to the words on my dog tags: “Trust, Honor, Respect. Serve, Obey, Protect”; the code of leathermen and the code of boys. We each have our place and together we flow and build one another up.
Being a boy also puts me in a prime position to benefit from the knowledge and experience of the elders* (*not the same as “old”) in the community. Daddy is a mentor who teaches about life, both within Leather and beyond. The history of our community is kept largely in the hearts and minds of our members and I feel the vast amount of learning that takes place is through oral traditions* (*I mean storytelling and sharing folks, not slobbery bjs 😉 ). Along with serving Sir, one of my roles is to ask and listen and learn to be a better man through Sir’s experiences. As someone still new to the community, I’ve found being a boy an ideal place to be to soak up all the knowledge and wisdom that men have to offer.
Waiting for Daddy
I think a big part of Leather is finding power in the identities we create. We’re able to break away from the normal rigors of society and be someone who feeds our desires and longings. When Daddy puts on my collar and snaps the lock, I know exactly who I am and what I’m supposed to do. I’m empowered and potent because I know my strength and I know I have Daddy standing right behind me, supporting me. There’s no place I’d rather be than by my Daddy’s side.
BE THERE!
THIS Saturday night at the NYC Eagle, the awesome kinky fundraiser JAIL&BAIL is taking place. The fifth installment of this event involves getting your friends, lovers, secret crushes, and even yourself “arrested” by Leathermen police officers and then tied up, chained up, flogged, paddled, spanked and generally given an overall good time (all totally safe and fun). All proceeds from the arrests go to the HIV/AIDS services of the LGBT Center Of NYC (what a great cause!).
The Eagle is great to allow us to do this fundraiser and I personally volunteered to start the evening off with my bare ass exposed and ready for some discipline (all for a good cause, of course). If you’ve ever wanted to play around with some bondage and flogging, now’s your chance 🙂 The leathermen will be fair and gentle, unless you request otherwise. So come on out Saturday night and have some BDSM fun!
Beautiful coast
The 65 degrees and shining sun were enough to make my weekend in San Fransisco a lovely time (considering today in NYC it’s freezing, gray, and swirling with snow) but more than the weather the warmth and vibrance of the SF community are what makes that city great.
I’ve visiting SF twice now: once last September for Folsom (mind-exploding good time) and again this past weekend for the Hayes Valley Leather contest/romancing and hanging with my Daddy, Lenny. Lenny is a prior International Mr. Leather and long time leader in the Leather Community and he was the host for the contest on Saturday night. I’ve been to several contests over the past 6 months and the quirky quaintness of the Hayes Valley event made for a very cool evening. The host bar, Marlena’s, features drag queens on the weekends and the mix of patrons for the contest included leathermen, drag queens, lesbians, trans-folk, et al. all hanging out together in a friendly rainbow of smiles and kisses. I’m inspired by the energy and friendship I see in the folks in SF and give them mad props for the inclusiveness of their community.
This year marked the 10th anniversary of the Hayes Valley contest and included 4 contestant who all share a passion for the community. The winner, JB Kern, a bald and bearded man who boisterously barked at the audience, will go on to compete for Mr. San Fran Leather in March (when I will return to SF once again!) and possible head to IML in May. Seeing this contest makes me reflect on my own aspirations for running for a title and gives me some good insight into what makes a successful contestant (confidence on stage and a genuine passion for promoting our Leather Life).
Yes my smile is very big
The weekend was awesome and let me reunite with some west coast brothers and also meet a lot of new friends (when you’re in leather, everyone’s a friend). I also hit up Mr. S Leather (a filthy candy store!) where Lenny tried out some paddles and floggers on me (thank you, Sir!) and I got to marvel at the massive dildos that seem impossibly huge. Great staff at this place…always willing to assist in any way possible 😉
I had a blast in San Fran and can’t wait to get back out there. There’s a sense of history and community that really thrives in this city and inspires me to work on the NYC scene. Until next time.
Lenny and me in the sun
Scruff and the City 